How To Die

How to die?

I looked it up

I never wanted to

I just needed to know

How does one die?

What happens?

Do they feel it?

What does it look like?

You see, as a kid Billy

My good friend from tae kwon do

Died in a car crash 

So I looked it up

I felt something momentarily back then

But never got the full effect as a kid 

Of death

Then my grandfather, in Mexico

Passed away at 83 in his sleep

I still remember my older cousins

Sobbing uncontrollably, hands trembling

I was too young to understand

So I looked it up

It happened

Again, again and again

How to die?

No, I wasn’t going to do it

I just wanted to know

I wanted to feel grief

I wanted to mourn

It has been my greatest fear

How to die

How I’m going to die

Dying

Death

So I looked it up

So I could understand it

Study it, internalize it

To conquer that fear

When I was little

It was all around me

I just didn’t see it

Right in front of me

I just didn’t feel it

Then in high school

Jeanna had leukemia 

And Beth in Bryan

Died of cancer

And last year, Tucker

Couldn’t beat it either

So I looked it up

What else am I missing?

How is this not dying?